Delta Module One, Paper 1, Task 4 : a learner's text (2)

1.4

This task requires a longer written response.
You will be given either a transcription of a learner's spoken language or a piece of authentic writing from a learner. Your task is to analyse the language noting strengths as well as weaknesses. You need to find four strengths and/or weaknesses. Note the need to find strength as well. It is not necessary to prioritise the areas you identify.
This question carries 20% of the possible marks so spend no more than 20 minutes on it.

Here's an example learner text to analyse. It was written by a learner at B1 level in response to a task to describe her best friend both physically and personally.

My friend Jazz

What he looks like:

Well, he's very hairy! Most of his hair is creamy white but nearby his nose, it looks like grey and black.
His legs are too little, really, but he can run very quick and I can't keep with him.
His ears are soft and loose and have a spot of black on one of them.
His tail is always waving and it's hairier then he is!

What his personality is like:

He is very lively and he likes to do everything with all energy.
Sometimes, he can be very lazy and just lays in sunshine when the weather is nice.
He never attacks people and always friendly with them, as a result they always like him.
To be honest, he isn't very clever but he has sociable character and that pays for it.
When I will come home today he will be there and waiting for his walk.
We are going to the park, I think.

Here he is:

jazz

He's great!

Can you come up with four strengths or weaknesses? In the examination you only need four but think of more if you can. Don't forget to exemplify everything.
Click here for a list when you have.

Strengths: The task has been achieved well with a clear description, conventionally divided into physical and non-physical characteristics (as the task required) with two clear subheadings (which may have been copied from the task rubric).
The language is comprehensible and unambiguous and the picture adds interest.; The writer has deployed known vocabulary to express the meaning clearly (waving instead of wagging, for example).
There is a good use of two disjuncts (Well ..., to be honest).
There is an attempt at subordination and coordination (as a result ..., but he can run, and he just lays)
There is a good use of a pre-modified adjective (creamy white)
There is one example of a correct comparative form (hairier)
There are some correct adjective uses (hairy, soft, lazy etc.)
There is a use of the present progressive for habitual action (is always waving)
There are no spelling errors (loose, honest, creamy, hairier etc.. are all correctly spelled)
There is one example of a standard collocation (sociable character)
There is a good use of the modal auxiliary verb in can be for a characteristic (can be lazy)
Weaknesses: There is an adverb used as a preposition (nearby his nose).
There is a copular verb confusion (looks like instead of looks or appears).
Adjective use is sometimes faulty or too simple for the level (loose ears [should be floppy?], small legs [should be short?], nice [should be sunny / warm). The clumsy with all energy should be enthusiastic / enthusiastically.
Adverb use is faulty in places (run very quick).
Tense use in a subordinate time clauses is faulty (when I will come home).
The present progressive form are going is wrongly used (should be we'll go to the park).
Some expression is clumsy (and have a spot of black on one of them should be and one has a black spot on it).
Some verb use is faulty but meaning is clear:
There is lie/lay confusion (should be lies in the sun, the intransitive verb).
The verb wave has been used instead of the preferred collocation with tail, wag.
There is one use of a conjunct (as a result) where a conjunction is preferred, creating a run-on sentence (always friendly with them, as a result they always like him should be always friendly with them and so they always like him or two separate sentences, the second beginning with the conjunct).
There is a missing copula in and (is) always friendly but, considering other good uses of copular verbs this may just be a slip rather than an error.
There is some evidence of a lack of vocabulary in multi-word verbs (pays for it should be makes up for it, keep with him should be keep up with him).
There is one false ellipsis of a primary auxiliary verb in will be there and waiting (should be and be waiting).
There are two examples of missing articles (in (the) sunshine and (a) sociable character).

You may have thought of others. You only have to find four but you must exemplify all of them (as above).

Paper 1 revision test index